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I've Lost Someone Too

Posted by Raymond Voegele on

Something I have realized I don't want to say to someone that loses their dad, or anyone else, is the equivalent of, "I lost my dad. I know how you feel."
...because I don't know how they feel.
I know that it sucks and it hurts, but I don't know the levels of their relationship, their wiring, their connection, their frequencies, their limitations, their abilities, their said and unsaid, and the fullness of what their loss means to them.
One person can lose a dollar, and it means more than the person that loses ten thousand dollars.
A relationship is like a mold with in and outs, bumps and dips, unique crevices, highs and lows, losses and wins, mountain tops and valleys, secret places, the well known, and the unknown.
...and you can pour the same plaster into two different molds and end up with two completely different casts.
We may understand loss. We may understand psychology. We may understand temperaments and wiring. We may understand the process of grieving. We may understand chemical reactions, and 1s and 0s...but to think we understand what someone else is feeling and going through based on our own casting and math...is simply not true.
Don't diminish someone else's loss of a unique, beloved relationship, by generalizing it and telling them that it is essentially not unique because you know exactly how they feel, simply because you lost someone too. Because you don't.
Maybe it would be better to say, "I have lost someone too, and I know it sucks and hurts. I realize that your experience and my experience may not be the same because every relationship has it's own identity and carries its own fingerprint, but I am here if you want to talk about and share yours with me. Your pain may be the same in some ways, and far different in others, because of how amazingly detailed the surface of the hole you have in your life is, but if you let me, I will help carry the loss and pain, even if only by way of listening to the intricacy of it and promising to remember."

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  • I am someone who has been through the biggest challenges in any lifetime seriously I have had to lose my first dad when I was just 10 years old and then I lost my fiance in Afghanistan who was pregnant at that time with our daughter and then talk about how I would be subject to a IED and would be wounded to the point where I can no longer have kids at all and furthermore later on about 4 or 5 years ago I would lose my step dad Tommy who died from cancer. And we’ll talk about how my biological mother who was charged vehicular Manslaughter Reduced from a felony charge to a infraction charge that never went on her license or record at all, would place me on temporary probate conservatorship prior to being released from jail custody in 2012 and I would be denied due process the judge never met with my doctor or appointed legal counsel to me or ever met with me at all my mom was able to frivolously steal my entire inheritance from me and we’ll she has never been a good person or a loving mother at all she doesn’t call to tell me Merry Christmas Happy Birthday nothing at all anymore. And we’ll she won’t even show me the will and Trust to either of my father’s and I am the soul surviving heir to my first dads will and Trust. And what is sad is she stole everything from me she knows she did, does she care no and we’ll me reporting it to the judicial review board in California you think they would fix this situation here and we’ll what is sad is they acknowledged it but then they said to me on a second letter I received in the mail that they were going to help the Madera County Courthouse judge correct my file so that everything looks right knowing that the judge has never met with me and knowing that my brothers form for consent was forged. So pretty much everything I get I sell so that I can save up for an attorney was willing to assist me with everything because I was denied due process as well as every single civil rights and judicial guidelines to protect someone like me what’s going out the window for this one case because I spoke to an attorney showed in my file and they said to me that this was heard in the judge’s Chambers and not in public viewing of the Court so I’m sorry to say but don’t you think I deserve justice for what has happened to me. And to make matters worse my mother is a registered chemotherapy nurse for Kaiser Hospital in Fresno California so if you think you with know of any attorneys in California that can assist me with this matter that would be greatly appreciated because I haven’t been able to find one attorney that’s willing to take on this case and what status my wife and I have already created all the leg work where do you have all the documents that prove everything and my doctor never wanted me to be placed on conservatorship at all in fact he tried to speak to the judge to have it removed and they throw around the courthouse and the investigator tried to have it go to trial and they terminated it before it reached that point because they knew they were guilty to even have me placed on conservatorship temporary see you in the state of California you can only be placed on temporary conservatorship for 30 days to a maximum of 90 days how to play some continuance for 30 days for a total of 13 months and on the 13th month is when I got to see the investigator pretty sad right. So I think the justice system is failing everyone but their own it’s sad to state that my wife and I went to the Attorney general’s office and they do nothing for their patrons nothing at all to assist you or help you. And this is why this country is in debt because it doesn’t do its job and has a lot of government agencies ACLU FTC Attorney general’s office they don’t do shit at all to assist people not even the ADA and it is quite disturbing and sad to say the least I don’t think any of those government agencies should exist or even be paid salary based income when they’re not doing their job to protect people like me or you… So if you want to know what it’s like being me I wouldn’t allow my worst enemy to walk around my shoes seriously because I’ve been fighting for my life and it just is my dad deserves and I deserve since I was 10 years old and I’ve been deprived of everything and everything’s been stolen from me and I’ve been abused since I was 10 and my mother has never given a shit about me and it’s quite alarming and it’s sad and sick to say the least how can somebody call herself mother when that’s how they treat her kid seriously my mom says to me David do you know I love you right Is This Love people when you tell me because I don’t have never seen love act like this. Furthermore I have never in my life felt love from my mother at all and well this is sad to go your whole life knowing that your mother only had you to keep your father with her so she didn’t have to go home welfare but whenever he died she basically metaphorically might as well have killed me too because this is when she stopped being a mom to her son she didn’t have any responsibilities anymore because she wasn’t being honest to me and this is why I had no mother I have a friend I’ve had an enemy and that was it.

    David LaMattina on

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